Saint or Sinner

On 17^th July 2008 we lost a friend. Shawn was a happy go lucky guy, helpful, funny, a warm and moderate person. We first met in January 2007 at Westmall CSC when I first started as a  customer service officer there. As a senior there, he taught me a lot of things from cashiering to WRS handset and he even
came to cover my backside when I did wrong. He however did screw me upside down before but, it was for my own good and for center smooth operation. A day before I was a closing cashier and left only few coins for the next day cash flow. The next morning Shawn as a opening cashier was furious when he found out that the cash flow was left with only few coins. I never kept that in my heart but only in my mind not to repeat the same mistake again. There was 1 night just about few days I join the Westmall, I feel quite stressful and loitering in Westmall which then I bump into Shawn, Chee Wei and Sandy. 4 of us having chicken wings, Indian rojak and of course Shawn favorite drinks, beer. From there I slightly know him better. He crack lot of crap jokes which make me quite relax and calm. His favorite quote was “ci bot” (Still got no idea what it means but it just sound good).

I just came back to Singapore from my vacation in Sabah on the 18^th July when I heard the terrible news. At first it was hard to believe and I told myself it might be a false alarm. But later the day I receive smses and calls confirming the bad news. It is unbelievable! All my positive energy from my trip just drain away in less than a minute. I just felt weak and moody. I didn’t go to the funeral that night. I don’t think that I could make it if I was there. The emotion is just overwhelming. I’ve been taken control by my feeling. I went to the funeral on the Sunday night with few of colleagues after work. While holding on to the joss stick, I wish Shawn would have been at the better place right now with his beloved sister. I have a last glance at Shawn, he look calm in a way…… I felt warm tears linger around my eyes; I tried not to let it falls. While looking at Shawn lifeless bodied, I felt anger in me. I was angry that Shawn decided to choose the path. Why Shawn? Why? I believe everyone was asking the same questions. Who are these peoples attending to your funeral? Peoples who shed their tears for you, who are they? And yet Shawn, you never open up to us, how I wish you did….. I think the most unfair thing about
life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at the end of it? A death! What’s that, a bonus? WTF!!!

Who can say for
certain? Maybe you’re still here
I feel you are still around, your memory so clear
Deep in the stillness, I can hear you call
You’re still an inspiration
You will be watching us from above
Beyond the distant star,
I wish upon tonight, to see you smile
If only for a while to know you’re there.

I’ve have realized that tears convey more than what words
can ever say….

*+*+*+*+*+* Rest In Peace *+*+*+*+*+*

Another 1 hour to the end of the year 2007, and here I am sitting comfortable on my bed side, with a cigarette on my right and a can of diet coke listening to some golden oldies. SMS and MMS keep coming in the last minutes from colleagues and friends back in Malaysia.

Miss them so much. I miss the places where we hang out on the New Year eve and watching the fireworks display. This year I plan to stay home to avoid the crowds and beside that my legs are just too pain to walk around.

On the 19 December 2007 mark my 1 year anniversary in
M1. Time does past very fast. Accomplish a few things, and one of them is oversea vacation before the end of the year 2007. Something I never done in the past 27 years…… Thou the place I went is not far, but at least a dream that come true and is memorable one….. I’m looking forward another vacation in 2008. Maybe somewhere further….. With airplane….Aahhhh~ Hehhe he….

OK, in this one year I’ve learn a lot of things. Some, money can’t buy, some thru blood and sweat, some are just too expensive and some I learn it in a painful way.…… The most valuable possession I have here are neither money nor my valuable stuffs. Guess what? It is you who are reading this blog! Yeah, is true. Is really you! Friendship and companionship are the survival kit here. Money can’t buy it. Well, some of you might not agree with that because you can get more than what you bargain for in Geylang.

So, is one whole year already and how am I doing? Well, life just got better with the Big Fat Bonus. How about colleagues?
They all are like my family now….. You can see that in most of my photos. A picture is worth a thousand words. We work together, had our meals together from early breakfast to late night supper, helping each other in work and in non work related, companion on your off rest day, celebrate each other birthday, care for each other, shopping companion and etc, etc…. Guess I’m going to write something about my colleagues here. I start in an alphabetical order….

Andi : The handsome guy in the centre. He is married and had kids. He is younger than me. Lucky chap! He is an outgoing and friendly person. He is good in selling STS also. Think he is the top seller for luxury VAS BBRR. His favorite quote: “David, I ask you something ah……….”

Candice : The newbie. Not really know her yet…. From our previous conversation, she is an outdoor type of person. Cycling, swimming, badminton and the list goes on. Outspoken type of person and always nag me to quite smoking. Yeah, I know is for my own good.

Desmond : Most eligible bachelor in our centre. A watch collector, mind you most of the watch are limited edition or special edition. He can give a speech like a president….. The head of the WB. Come out with someway to improve the WB for the centre. But I think I’ve disappointed him some way because my WB suck!

Douglas : The electronic device expert. Just throw the PDA, Blackberry, GPRS setting or the Broadband to this guy and he will able to fix it. On loan from Paragon but guess he fall in love to his new home.

Ernest : “The Boss” The leader of our centre. There nothing that this guy cannot solve. He always have a way out and close the cases. His favorites quote during the coaching session “David, do you believe in Winback?” My answer till now…. Still the same!

Fern : She is like a god sister to me. Give lot of “expert” advice in all aspect of life. She has a strong personality and down to earth person. My first friend here when I’m in Singapore… Just recently had our 1 year anniversary as a friend. Really, I’ll be totally lost if not because of her, help me a lot but I always pull her leg and make her angry…. Hah ha…. How unfair…..

Huey Toh : Ahhh~ the motherly love is here…. She took care of everybody including our hunger and thirst. She will bought some bread and drink just in case we too busy. She never take compliment to herself. She is a moderate person and her favorite quote is “thank you”. She will say that to you whenever she the closing IC. Sometimes I just too embarrass and don’t know what to reply.

Jacqueline : “Doraemon” guess the nickname say it all. She has lot of useful things in her locker and bags. Last things I heard, she bring her own 2 pin connector. This girl can’t leave without tissue and wet tissue. If you plan to do your shopping for clothes or groceries, just ask her and she have all the info which shop that offer cheaper price. She had a huge collection of Precious Moment figurine at her house.

Maggie : “Blur Queen” everyone will agree on this, but she is really a nice person. Got lot of movies and drama collection. She can talk non stop about anything. She will be happy if you say something about her figure. Oh yeah, she very slim now. Instead too slim already, that just turns me off…. Ooops….Hah ha… Lot of cartoon stuff at her home.

Sandy : She my mentor. A straight forward person so if you just got to know her, you might be offended. Having hard time while I was a mantee. But in the end is not bad after all, guess is a blessing to have her as a mentor. It built a strong mentality in me against pushy customers. She an animal lover especially
dog. She had lot of exotic and rare collection of toys. Not only that, she also have collection of movies poster hang in her house.

Serence : Nothing can give this fair super women a headache, except…….. Her darling Princess Pearlyn…. Hah ha….. She will have a hard time to rest, her most needed sleep. Her princess Pearlyn is a very “ong” baby. If you wish to buy 4D all you need
is to carried Princess Pearlyn and keep saying the good word, if she happy and laugh you will be more “ong” You buy i-bet sure kena one…. Haha ha…

Shen Yi : I nickname her the “B-2 stealth bomber”. She low profile girl, always stay below the radar. Known for TLC. Not the luncheon meat brand or some vulgarity words (which I thought it was at the first place). It actually means Tender, Loving, Care. Any mentees under her are lucky one. She likes to make funny face whenever we took photos… cute little girl but in actual life she a women….. Little because she just 155cm….

Thomas : “A family man” always saw him talking to her wife in the phone….. Ask about their children and ask whether she taken her meals… he love football as not into the sports but
betting!

Trisha : My smoking kaki, great companionship indeed… but maybe not for long, cos my intention to quite smoking come again…. She a capable girl, a girl with a vision and strong will.
She good at Winback, BB troubleshooting or any other electronic device. Basically she a gadget freak! Among other things, she is a good listener and sometimes she will just nag, and nag on you non stop… sigh…. She also knows a lot of place to eat. That the BEST part going out with her!

Wei Qiang : The way he talk to customer just like talking to his friend. He always pushes for sales. He overtook me in sales of STS and Mcard. A potential candidate for top sales award.

In the background the car are honking and hear some crazy guy actually yelling Happy New Year as if nobody knows the clock strike 12 already.

Well guys, Happy 2008 to you all!!!

Just recently I found out that Friendster came with the Chinese version. OMG! What happen? Well, I have this phobia with the Chinese characters. You see, I’m a banana man. I look like Chinese, eat, drink and live like Chinese but I can only converse and listen to normal average Chinese language  (Mandarin). You cannot speak with me beyond 10yrs old kids standard level or I’ll end up scratching my head and nose..…

Other than that, I also can speak average broken Hokkien and Cantonese. I can only understand Hakka a bit. If, I would to speak the whole sentence in Hakka, I’ll start with Hakka quarterly and end up with Cantonese just like magic! A bit shameful to my Hakka ancestor. I’m so envy to those who can read and write Chinese so well. I tried to learn the language but like they say you just can’t teach an old dog new trick. Whenever I receive a Chinese sms or email I’ll just ask my trusted friend to translate it for me. Sometime it takes week for me to reply the message if my “translator” is not free….. Sob, sob… So my friends, now you know why I reply you all so late…. I already warn you all, not to send the Chinese message but you guys never understand!!! You guys say if translated to English it won’t sound beautiful. I’m so frustrated!

I have tried the Google translator BETA version. Using that I
scratch my head and nose even harder trying to figure out what the heck the translator trying to say! I don’t blame the translator. Not easy to learn the Chinese. Sigh! Chinese book is cheap and more variety. All I can do just look at the pictures and if I found the pictures are interesting then I’ll ask my  friends or mum to read the whole article!

I always like the Chinese culture thingy like the décor, arts, history, song & music but not my Chinese friends. They find me very conservative wearing the samfu and listen to the Chinese Peking opera (tok tok chiang) or the mountain folk song (hey here and hey there but dunno what they hey). I’m influence by the Chinese but my friends are influences by the western. I am proud with my Chinese name because a lot of people found my Chinese surname is very unique. It started with Tien. Is not sky or sweet but is a paddy field with the 4 boxes. The surname does match with my life. A farmer is a very hardworking person but they only earn average just like me a workaholic but not  able to save much.

I wish I could read the Chinese blog and leave a comment, to share your experience and understand your feeling but…….

P/s: To the peoples working in Google, please whip your ass and work harder with the BETA version.

I’m thankful for the peoples god put in my life, the friends that hug me for real and the friends that hug me virtually online. The friends that are sarcastic with me and take so much of shit from me but still love me even when I’m a total moody for no particular reasons.

I’m thankful for my family which is incredibly special, wonderful and supporting. No matter how much of trouble I get myself into, there’s always a solution and always a ‘way’.

I’m thankful for the amazing opportunities I’m given at work each day. For being able to make a living doing what I know best and what I love. I am so thankful for my job and for people that select me and see in different lights and push me to the best I can be. I’m grateful for nasty and dispute customers that pressure me to the extreme, colleagues that provide to my every difficulty, and ‘behind the scenes’ people which are always the best, that always listen and solve the problems. For colleagues that is funny, sarcastic, fun, and cute to be around  with.

I’m thankful for strangers that come up to me encouraging me. Strangers, whom I don’t know that, thank me for being kind, helpful and patients. Uncles and aunties, I’m just doing my job…..

So thankful for I’m still being here. Still alive, screaming and kicking. Still hanging on. For not giving up yet…

Hari ni aku nak buat sesuatu yang berlainan iaitu menulis blog aku dlm bahasa melayu. Aku tak kerja hari ni. Bosan sungguh! Sepanjang hari cuaca mendung saja dan sekali-sekala hujan renyai-renyai. Jiwa ku juga mendung….. Semenjak aku balik dari penang, jiwa ku tak tenteram. Rasa satu macam je….. Aku rindu dan risau akan keluarga ku terutama adik perempuan aku….. Aku dah berubah semenjak aku balik dari malaysia. Itulah yang di rasai oleh teman rapat aku. Aku tau dia risau dengan keadaan aku ni. Tapi aku tidak mengendahkannya. Aku rasa bersalah terhadapnya. Aku cuba mengubah… Perasaan yang aku alami lah ni sama dengan perasaan aku bila pertama kali menjejak kaki di singapore. Mungkin aku perlukan lebih masa untuk bertenang…

Aku cuba berhenti merokok, tapi aku gagal. Ketagihan merokok semakin menjadi-jadi sejak kebelakangan ni. Sia-sia saja aku berhenti merokok untuk 2 minggu yang lepas. Celaka betul! Azam aku tak kuat. Tiada iman, tiada pendorong….

Dah lama aku tak berbahasa melayu. Rindu juga lah dgn loghat penang… Hang, aku, depa dah lama tak pakai ayat cam ni…. Dah tak power macam dulu lagi….. Lama juga tak menulis dlm bahasa melayu. Sekali-sekala tu adalah cakap bahasa melayu dengan pelanggan biasanya pakcik makcik pasal hutang lapuk dgn M1. Nak gurau senda dgn makwe dulu pun tah kemana dia lesap. Dah lama tak nampak lubang hidung…. Sms tak balas…. Member dulu-dulu dah lama tak jumpa entah hilang kemana….. Member lah ni, semuanya speaking… Apapun, aku bangga berbahasa melayu dan aku bangga jadi anak malaysia, tanah tumpah darahku…..

Damn it! I forget to renew my driving licence and is weekend. The post office is close. How am i gonna meet my friends? Sigh… I haven’t stimulate my “wife” for quite some time. My foot and hand feel kinda itchy now. Mum did not aware my driving licence had expired. She ask me to drive her to buddhist centre which is about 30mins from the house. I quite hesitate to tell mum my licence is expired. “Argggh… WTF! Just drive lah… If police block then just give RM 50 for starbuck coffee lah… I’m earning sing dollar now.” That what my mind told me to do while my heart still hesitating. Last thing i know, i already started the engine. After more than half a year did not drive, i feel a bit nervous but not for long….. I feel like speeding now but i can’t. Mum is in the car. After a while miracle happen. Mum say somethings…. “My dear son, mummy is late for the prayer, the master always scold mummy for being late. Now is raining and cold you think the police is working today?” YIPPEE KI YAY!!! I did not answer that question instead i just nod my head. Hint noted, permission granted. I was travelling at 90kph in highway speed limit. I floor the gas pedal… 100kph….. 110kph….. 120kph…… 130kph….. 140kph…… 150kph….. 152kph…. 153kph…. 153kph…. 153kph….. I press harder on the gas pedal… 153kph…. It just stop there. Where my record of 170kph? Mum pamper my “wife” a lot. She never stress my wife to the limit. I look at mum…. She sit beside me silently…. I think she regret saying that words or, maybe she just want me to focus on the road. I manage to send her to the destination and still some time for breakfast.

I have make a list what i’m going to do in this precious 5 days. Meeting as much friends as possible and eat as lot as possible…. Heh he… By the end of my holiday, i meet quite numbers of friends but not manage to eat all the food in the list. Friends are more important to me. I shall keep the food list for future… Can’t wait to come back again! Manage to catch some of my best friends and ex-colleagues. Meet one of my very best friend. A mother of 2 beautiful daughter. She was my ex-colleague known her for almost 7 years now. She still look young and elegant even with the safety shoes and oversize uniform she wearing when we met for dinner. We had fun and great time working together last time. We talk almost everything under the sun. I don’t feel the age gap between us. I feel comfortable with her. We share secrets but mostly i’m the one telling her everything and she just a keeper. She will be the first one to know whatever happen to me. Ms. Lim, just want you to know that you’re the best and i feel grateful for knowing you in my life.
Next was my best buddy. Know him almost 9 years. Lost contact for a while after college but reunited back after that. We had our first job together as data entry clerk in a department store. His family were nice and warm. Never feel like stranger whenever i’m at his house. He is still single! He is a very nice guy. Girls, if you’re looking for loyal and stable boyfriend or husband he is the one. His father and i always encourage him to get a girlfriend. His answer is “leave it to fate….” girls, go look for telle in my friends list. Dude, beside my family, i’m willing to die for you if my life is needed in exchange for your life. Anything just give me a buzz!

I could not catch up with all my friends but definely will meet you guys on my second trip. I promise….. Just wait for me!

Finally, after almost 7 months working in Singapore, I’m going back to my hometown for 5 days. Journey to my hometown begin at 9am at Golden Mile. It takes about 9 hours to reach home. While in the bus, i do lots of thinking about what i had done in the past 7 months. What the purpose of me coming down to singapore to work in the first place? Has the “main” purpose been fulfill? YES! I finally let go my past after 10 months since the incident happen… The world seem to be much more brighter now. I’m more happy now and also start to be more open up with others. All i wish for is that this sad event will only make me stronger…

Learn a lot of new things, earn lot of money and make lot of friends. There are lot of new things to learn everyday with new products, services, perform different type of transaction, queries and meeting all kind of peoples. I remember once someone told me that the only thing M1 remain unchange till now is, it’s alway change. Nothing is permanent.

The money in the saving came from my over-time. Been working and working non stop during my sad period. Volunteer to be on stand by in case someone fall sick. I hate my off rest day. If i’m doing nothing i will think lot of negative things. I just want to be drown in work. Work to forget… What happen now is i have to open up another new bank account for saving purpose…..

I feel blessed as i was been taking care of by someone who barely know me for the first time. I still remember the first time we met she bought me breakfast. It was a pieces of blueberry cake. I will never forget that moment (because i’m damn hungry at that time) Is simple and mean nothing to others but it leave a deep memory inside me. We found a same housing agent thru the same friend we met during the KL interview. It was a suprise to found out that the agent put us in a same house together. Walla, we are housemate, batchmate and now we are colleague working side by side. She help me go thru lot of things from financial to emotional. I learn lot of things from her. She is also my shopping companion. Sometimes we went to johor together and shop from morning till night. Suprise? Fern, you’re the best. Thank you for everythings. All the other colleagues are very very very helpful, caring and kind. I had no problem working with them instead i feel lucky and please working together with them. We had fun during work and lot of fun after work. We had our own simple destress session at coffee shop. Beers and chicken wings will be the main menu…. Found some nickname given by colleague. I was called Mr. Bean, Tien Ger, and lately i was known as lady killer. (Si Lai Sak Sao) Just recently we had a great time at our ex-colleague house. Lot of foods, beers, hard liquor, card games, mahjong and some x-rated stuff… Ahem… Will post the photos if there is any….

Well, that the update from me. Thru the bus window i saw mum was eyeing on every buses past by looking for her beloved son…. I can’t wait to get home and see what mum had prepare for dinner.